Me: I know you have noticed this for quite some time now. You know this isn’t easy…

You: Babe, just say it.

Me: OK, remember that time when you farted but it was more than a fart? Well when something you like doing becomes something plain nasty, it’s time for a break, maybe even a Kit Kat Chunky mint. There I said it.

You: So what is a “break”? Are we actually breaking up? Do I get to see other people?

Me: We just need some time apart to think about what we really want in life…
I mean, you’re ugly. On the inside that is… OK it’s not me, it’s you. Wait. Yeah you know what I mean.

You: Yeah whatever.

Me: Fine, you may follow me on Instagram.